New Rules Part 4

It’s a crazy time of year for sports fans. Football is in full swing in both Canada and the USA. Baseball is in the stretch drive. Soccer is well underway, with the European Leagues nicely underway. The NHL was supposed to be in training camp mode now, but a nasty lockout has changed that. So there is plenty to talk about. And with all that changes are in order. So once again, with a tip of the hat to Bill Maher, it is time for NEW RULES!

New Rule:

Since the NHL owners have nothing to do during the lockout, they must become replacement referees in the NFL. It makes sense. The NHL owners think they are never wrong, and would fit right in with the tomfoolery that is NFL officiating thanks to the replacement referees. Wouldn’t it be fun to see Jeremy Jacobs and Ed Snider trying to explain a penalty call in the NFL? It would be very similar to them trying to explain to the NHL fans, why there is a lockout. Plus it removes the gag order placed on them. So I say go for it.

New Rule:

Whenever the NHL reaches an agreement to this work stoppage, (and it will be a long time before it happens) Gary Bettman must resign as commissioner. I don’t care if he locking out the players for the long-term health of the league, there may not be an NHL in five years if Bettman continues to be in charge. The players don’t trust him. The fans hate him. The media mocks him. Some owner secretly want him out. In fact the only person that likes Gary Bettman is… Gary Bettman. He’s done enough damage to the sport. The NHLPA must include in the latest CBA that when a deal is done, Gary is gone. The sport would be better off without him.

New Rule:

If NHL Players want to play in Europe during the lockout, then they have to stay there for the entire year, even if a new CBA is reached to save the 2012-13 season. I know, the players just want to play hockey blah blah blah. If they were so serious about playing hockey they would be sitting with the NHL in a room trying to hammer out a new CBA. I know the owners are jerks in this lockout, but the players aren’t much better. And I don’t think they should be allowed to go to Europe and take jobs away from players over there who have no chance of playing in the NHL. Unfair if you ask me.

New Rule:

The Cleveland Browns must be contracted. I’m sorry Cleveland, it hurts to say it  but the Browns will suck for the rest of eternity. They’ll never win. Let’s just put them out of their misery and get on with life. We’d all be better off without them.

New Rule:

The NFL must lift the suspension of Sean Payton. Not because I’m a Saints fan, (I like them, but they are not my favourite team) but for “the integrity of the game.” That quotation was used by commissioner Roger Goodell, in suspending Payton for the entire 2012 season for the Bountygate scandal. Guess what Roger, your integrity is in serious doubt now. With the joke that is the replacement referees, and the lack of discipline being handed out on vicious hits, you don’t really care about player safety or the integrity of the game Roger. You only care about the money! And yes the NFL is raking in the dough as always, thanks to big attendance numbers, and huge TV ratings. So give it up Roger. Lift the suspension of Payton. You’re hurting a very good team right now. And it isn’t right.

New Rule:

FOX desperately needs new game announcers. I like their pre-game show (although Rob Riggle is a step down from Frank Caliendo) but their in-game announcers are downright awful. Case in point, during the Detroit Tennessee game, play by play man Ron Pitts called a field goal good, when it was clearly wide to the left. It was only after a commercial break that Pitts corrected his obvious error. Brutal. Pitts isn’t the only one. Joe Buck is as boring as molasses. Darryl Johnston hasn’t forgotten the fact he played for the Dallas Cowboys, thus cheers for them whenever he does one of their games. Thom Brenneman makes a point about the game he’s doing, and then belabours it for the entire game. Dick Stockton is 165 years old, and can’t keep up with the action anymore. I miss the days of Pat Summerall and John Madden calling the games. Where are the good announcers? Better yet, why isn’t Gus Johnson your lead NFL announcer Fox?

New Rule:

It is time to get rid of cupcake schedules in college football. I’m sick and tired of these powerful programs playing very small schools no one has heard of. This week for example #3 ranked LSU will host Towson University. Who in the blue hell has heard of Towson University? Students who go there haven’t heard of Towson University. Last week Alabama, the number one ranked team in the nation, walloped Florida Atlantic 40-7. Really Alabama? Florida Atlantic? This is ridiculous. I want big name teams to play other big name teams. Who wouldn’t want to see Notre Dame vs Oregon, or LSU vs Oklahoma or Alabama vs Florida State. Make it happen NCAA. Time to step in and revise this.

New Rule:

The Big Ten is irrelevant. Actually it has been irrelevant for a while but let’s confirm it here. Ohio State is ineligible for any bowl games. Michigan is overrated. Michigan State is ordinary. Penn State should have received the death penalty. Wisconsin is fading. Nebraska is a shadow of what it used to be. And the rest of the teams just stink. The Big Ten. Making the MAC look good.

New Rule:

John Terry is a horse’s ass. Oh you knew that already. Never mind.

New Rule:

Stop with these documentaries about following teams around. Shows such as Hard Knocks, and NHL 24/7 bore me for the most part and now we have Being Liverpool, which follows the legendary soccer club with access never before seen. First off, this is a PR move by Liverpool to clean up their image, following the Luis Suarez/Patrice Evra racism scandal that rocked the English Premier League last season. Secondly, it really doesn’t show much. I don’t care about Suarez playing Monopoly. The only thing this show might be doing, is showing how Liverpool gets relegated out of the Premier League by season’s end.

New Rule:

Baseball has to get rid of the second wildcard team. I’m in favour of a wildcard team in the baseball postseason but a second one is needless. The season is long enough Major League Baseball, don’t make it any longer to the point the World Series ends on Christmas Day.

New Rule:

The FedEx Cup must go away now. The PGA has been trying to hype this format to help out their last few tournaments of the season. It’s not working. PGA listen up, there are four tournaments that matter every year. The Masters, The US Open, The British Open and The PGA Championship. And every two years, The Ryder Cup is a big deal. After that stop. This manufactured hype known as the FedEx Cup is pointless and dull. Most sports fans are watching NFL anyways so just get over it and move on.

And Finally…New Rule:

Me for commissioner of the NHL. While we’re at it, me for commissioner of the NFL. Trust me, it would work.

You can follow me on Twitter @jstar1973


About Jsportsfan

Covers the Winnipeg Jets for Likes many but not all sports. I'm loveably annoying. You can also follow me on Twitter @jstar1973
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4 Responses to New Rules Part 4

  1. Blog Surface says:

    Since you didn’t mention MLB, we’d like to take the position. Also, that’s a big major “Ouch” for the Browns.

  2. Should have kept this column in the realm of the NHL.

  3. Pingback: SBM Exclusive: New Rules | Sports Blog Movement

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