As most of you know, Canada and the United States hooked up in a thrilling yet controversial soccer match at the 2012 Olympics. At stake was a spot in the gold medal game in women’s soccer. The rivalry had been one-sided, as the USA has not lost to Canada since 2001. However, the Canadians came to play at Old Trafford, led by the brilliant Christine Sinclair. The Canadian striker scored a hat-trick for Canada but still fell short 4-3 in extra time, thanks to some questionable calls by an inexperience referee from Norway.
With that in mind, and a tip of hat from David Letterman, here is my first ever Top 10 list. From the home office in Fleming, Saskatchewan, Top 10 reasons why Canada lost.
10. The “puck” was just too damn big.
Christine Sinclair was tired of scoring all those goals.
8. There has never been any questionable officiating at Old Trafford. *cough, cough*
7. Brian Williams needed something to talk about on his primetime show.
6. The Olympic Gods were angry at CTV, for pretending that Missy Franklin was Canadian.
Hope Solo needs a gold medal so she can pursue that modelling career she craves so much.
4. Hayley Wickenheiser was unavailable.
3. The Americans secretly switched the beer in the Canadian dressing room to Pabst Blue Ribbon, completely throwing off the Canada as they were forced to drink watered down crap.
2. The Norwegian referee really hated the “I Believe” song, so she decided to do something about it.
And the number one reason why Canada lost: Because everyone wanted Samuel L Jackson to go crazy on Twitter about woman’s soccer.
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