Ladies and Gentleman. Boys and Girls. Children of all ages. Step right up and welcome to the circus, otherwise known as media day at the Super Bowl! I am your ringmaster, Roger Goodell and I promise you excitement and fun like you’ve never seen before.
First up we have the high wire duo of Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth as they deftly try to tiptoe across a wire perched 50 feet from the ground thinner than Tom Brady’s hair. Watch as they balance through the greying slightly balding line without the use of a net while wearing a pair of Uggs.
Next up we have the lion tamer Bob Costas. Watch as the smooth and sauve handler of the king of the jungle, tries to put his head inside the mouth of the fiercest lion, Tom Coughlin. For those who don’t know, Coughlin has eaten more lion tamers than any other lion in the world. Can Costas survive this terrifying ordeal? Or will he suffer the similar fate Keith Olbermann did all those years ago.
And here come the clowns! First off the lead clown, Chris “I’ll never be your beast of ” Berman! Following him Skip Bayless! *Bayless grabs microphone* “TIM TEBOW IS THE GREATEST QUARTERBACK OF ALL TIME!!!” *Bayless gives microphone back to Goodell.* Next up Stephen A Smith. *Smith kicks Bayless in the rear as Bayless does a somersault. Smith grabs the microphone. *Man are you out of your mind? TIM TEBOW IS THe WORST PLAYER IN THE HISTORY OF THE NFL!!! *Goodell grabs microphone back* Gentlemen please! Don’t you know the Giants and the Patriots are in the Super Bowl? Never mind!
Next up the trapeze artists Michael Wilbon and Tony Kornheiser. Watch as they fly through the air with the greatest of ease while arguing about whether Eli Manning is an elite quarterback or not. Then without the aid of a net, they will attempt to get a straight answer out of Bill Belicheck. Good luck with that boys.
And our final act is the juggler and sword swallower Rich Eisen. Watch as Eisen juggles a very unsteady group of analysts, (Warren Sapp, Deion Sanders and Michael Irvin) while trying to get the latest scoop on Peyton Manning’s future. Then he will stick the Vince Lombardi down his mouth,swallowing it whole, then bring it out of his mouth without needing CPR. All this plus Adam Schefter and Chris Mortensen on whether Los Angeles will get a team or will they have to clean up after the elephants.
So goes the absurdity that is media day during Super Bowl week.
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