As some of you know, I am a huge fan of comedian/political analyst Bill Maher. On his HBO show “Real Time,” Mr. Maher does a segment at the end of his show called “New Rules.” He usually skewers newsmakers, politicians, pop culture and general nonsense going around the world. It is very funny and at times thought-provoking. Well I’m going to try it here on my blog. New Rules for the sports world. So with all due respect (and apologies to Bill Maher) here are my new rules for sports.
New Rule: If you are a commissioner and your league is in a work stoppage, if and when your work stoppage ends, you must resign your post as commissioner. Are you listening David Stern? (Same could be said for Roger Goodell and Gary Bettman too.)
New Rule: Sidney Crosby must retire. If that happens maybe TSN will actually talk about something else in the sports world.
New Rule: Tim Tebow must also retire. Then Skip Bayless would be out of a job and the world would be a happier place!
New Rule: Boise State must move to the SEC. That way all these whiners from Idaho can finally play someone with credential. You want to be good Boise State? Play in Death Valley and see how good you really are!
New Rule: Since no lead is safe in any sport anymore, no one can complain about running up the score! If you can’t stop them then find someone who can!
New Rule: I know both the NFL and CFL want to protect the quarterbacks however ease up on the roughing the passer call. If a quarterback is hit and no flag is thrown, was he ever hit?
New Rule: Give me LSU’s defence over a third of the NFL’s defences this year. Les Miles’ crew is just lightning fast and deceptively tough. If LSU does run the table and win the BCS National Championship, that defence will go down as the greatest defence in the history of college football.
New Rule: If coaches, general managers, and players are subject to criticism, then referees should be subject to criticism by the same group. And if referees don’t like it then get out of sports altogether.
New Rule: Joe Paterno must resign as head coach of Penn State. There is no way he didn’t know what happened with these allegations unless he’s completely ignorant. Your time is up JoePa, time for you to go.
New Rule: Winnipeg Jets fans must stop doing the wave! It’s annoying, dumb and makes us look like idiots. If I want to relive 1985 I’ll wear rugby pants, watch the Cosby Show and listen to A-Ha. (OK the last one I won’t do ever!)
New Rule: All sports networks must stop showing poker! IT’S NOT A SPORT! Since when is holding a pair of kings makes you a great athlete? Ridiculous!
New Rule: This analyst between the benches fad that many networks that broadcast hockey are doing has got to go. It doesn’t really add anything to the game except raise the creepiness level of Pierre McGuire.
New Rule: The ESPYs can die a fast, painless death and I will be a happy man. I have no time for such drivel. If I want to watch a horrible awards show, I’ll watch the Grammys.
New Rule: John Tortorella and Larry Brooks must have a steel cage match during the All Star Game. It would be more entertaining than the All Star Game itself.
New Rule: Stop with this nonsense that Wayne Rooney is the best soccer player in the world. He’s not even the best player on Manchester United. For my money, Ashley Young and Javier Hernandez are superior performers who don’t bring the drama and petulance Rooney does on a regular basis.
New Rule: The NHL must play a winter classic in Winnipeg. In January. Nothing says winter classic like playing an outdoor game in -40 temperatures. Yes it can get that cold in Winnipeg.
New Rule: With the exception of the San Francisco 49ers the NFC West should just forfeit the rest o f their games. No need to play them anymore. Come back next year Seattle, Arizona and St. Louis when you become competitive again.
That’s all for now. You can follow me on Twitter @jstar1973